Post by Catalin on Dec 20, 2006 13:48:45 GMT -5
Love is War, and Our Hearts are the Battlefield
Chapter Two
[/b][/center]Chapter Two
I heard voices, but all I saw was black, I couldn’t open my eyes-or was I just in an extremely dark room? I don’t know which.
“Hayden? Honey? Please, just wake-up. Please.” I faintly heard, the voice sounded familiar, I just couldn’t tell who it was, if they got closer I could tell. I opened my eyes, after trying for five minutes, I heard gasps but all I could see was a bright white light. What in the world could be that bright? Are they trying to make someone go blind?
My eyes adjusted to the light, I saw three people, my mom, some doctor guy, and…D.
“Oh my god! Hayden! I’m so glad you’re alright! I couldn’t loose another person!” My mom cried, she grabbed me into a hug and sobbed onto my shoulder.
“It’s alright mom. I’m here.” For now. I looked over at D, her eyes were red and her cheeks were puffy, I made her cry again. Why do I have to be so stupid?
“Don’t you ever scare me like that again!” My mom scolded.
“Ms. We need to talk to you about your son in the hallway.” The doctor guy told my mom, she nodded her head and they walked out into the hallway.
“Hey D.” I said quietly.
“Hi Hay.” She said equally quiet.
“How long was I out?”
“A few days, nothing big. How are you feeling?” She came over and sat down on the side of the bed.
“I don’t know, to tell you the truth. Mostly guilty.”
“Why?” She asked giving me a confused look.
“I made you cry.”
“Hayden.” She gave me a hug. “This was all because I cried?”
“Because I made you cry.” I said quietly.
“You didn’t make me cry, I just hate that you do this to yourself; I got upset, that’s all. No biggie.” Yes biggie, big biggie!
“D, you wouldn’t cry if I was never around ‘cause I wouldn’t be able to do stupid things that mess up your life.” I sighed, I leaned back on the uncomfortable hospital bed and laid my arm over my eyes.
“Don’t say that. If you were never around, I wouldn’t be who I am, I’d be some freaky loner person and end up being one of those old cat ladies with fifty bazillion cats to keep me company.” She said and laughed lightly. I smiled and rolled my closed eyes. “Don’t you roll those eyes at me.” She said.
“I didn’t.” I laughed.
“Don’t you lie to me Hayden.”
“Don’t call me that!” I groaned, she new I hated it when she called me that.
“Don’t call you what? Dork? Loser? Hmmm?”
“Diana!”
“Ah! It burns!” She cried and covered her ears. I laughed.
“You’re a loser.”
“I know you are but what am I?”
“A loser.” I laughed.
“Nu-huh!”
“Yeah-huh!”
“Meany!” She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, while turning away from me.
“I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” I cried overly dramatic, and threw my arms around her waist. “Owwwww.” I mumbled and pulled my arm back to my chest. “That hurt.”
“Let me see it.” I held my arm out to D and she started to carefully unwrap it. “Why’d you only put three?” She asked looking at me, confused.
“No reason.” I said looking away from her. Just….too….stupid.
“Hay, what does it mean?” She new they all meant something.
“Just too stupid.” I whispered, not even audible to a dog.
“What?” She asked gently.
“Just too stupid.” I repeated a little louder, but not too loud.
“Hay, you’re not stupid.” She said.
“Then why do I do this to you? I know I don’t like seeing you cry. I don’t do this to you for any reason. It’s because I’m freaking stupid!” I cried, she was so freaking stubborn!
“Don’t you dare beat yourself up because of me. Do you do this to yourself because of me?”
I didn’t look up, I stared at my hands, I couldn’t look at her.
“Oh my god. You do! This is all because of me!” She cried, tears welling up in her eyes.
“No, it’s not because of you.” I still didn’t look up.
“Then why?” She choked out-her voice cracked.
“I don’t know?” it was more of a question then a statement.
“Hayden don’t you lie to me.”
It’s because I love you and you could never love a loser like me. “Too much stress.” I mumbled out.
“Stress over what?”
“Life.” I answered, it was half true.
“Whatever Hay.” She said, tears still welled up in her eyes. “Just-whatever.” She stood up and walked out of the room.
I watched her leave; I didn’t want her to go but my voice wasn’t working.
My mom walked back into the room a few minutes later, I didn’t look at her, I was too busy staring at the pale yellow spot on the ceiling.
“Hayden?” My mom asked, I still didn’t look at her, I didn’t even hear her, I was off in my own world. “Hayden?” She asked louder.
“Yeah?” I asked, still staring at the spot.
“The doctors said….”She said, her voice cracking.
“They said what?” I asked, looking over at her, her blue eyes were filled with tears.
“They said, you were a threat to yourself...and that you need to….” She burst into tears.
“I need to go to rehab.” I whispered. “Why do they say that?” I asked.
“I found a journal in your backpack….and it said that you thought about killing yourself, I showed that to them and they thought it was best for you to go to rehab-”
“Why’d you go through my journal?” I growled no one was ever to read that, I didn’t even let D see it.
“I was trying to find out why you cut, and now I know why.” She said.
“You don’t know anything.” I growled. “That’s not even half the crap that I go through.”
“I know that it’s because of Diana, I don’t want you to socialize with her anymore.”
“Don’t you dare bring D into this!”
“Why shouldn’t I? She’s the reason why my little boy is trying to kill himself!” She screeched.
I heard something drop out in the hall. I got out of the bed, with difficulty, I had just found out I was attached to about three machines, and I walked out into the hallway, seeing a girl with brown hair with her hands in front of her face, she was leaning against the wall for support, I found that it was my D.
“D, what are you doing?” I whispered, as to not startle her.
“I want to see the journal.” She whispered back.
“No, I’ll show you anything besides the journal.”
“I don’t want to see anything else; I want to see the journal.”
“You can’t.”
“Why not? What does it say?” She asked turning to me, her usually bright eyes were smoky and sad.
“It says why I cut.”
“Then why can’t I see it?”
“Hayden! Get over here!” My mother said sternly. I looked over to her, her arms were crossed over her chest and she looked mad. I looked back at D; she was looking at me with pleading eyes.
“Give me my journal.” I said while turning to my mom.
“Why? So she can see it?” She snarled.
“Her name is Diana, now give me my journal.” I growled, I normally listen to my mom because of what happened, but now…it was different, she was telling me to stay away from D, I couldn’t do that. No matter how much I tell her to stay away, I would die without her.
“I’m not giving you your journal just so you could show it to...that.” My mom said, while looking D up and down, like she was inspecting her. D had looked down, ashamed.
“Give me my freaking journal.” I hissed through clenched teeth.
“Fine.” My mom rolled her eyes and went back into the hospital room that I was staying in. When she walked back out she was holding a black composition book, my journal. “Here.” She threw it across the hall, like Diana and I was some sort of disease and if she got anywhere near us she would get sick and die. It flew right at D, but I caught it. I glared at my mom and handed my journal to D, reluctantly.
She opened up the first page, the first time I had cut and I was freaking out because I didn’t know how to hide it, then I just started wearing long sleeve shirts everyday. That was a year ago, when my dad died. Everything went down hill when that happened, he wrote us a note that said he did it to get us money, but I knew that it was because he hated life. He couldn’t wait for death, so he made it come sooner. I won’t ever forget the last time I saw him; he was talking to mom and told her that he loved her and he was saying goodbye. She told him that that wasn’t goodbye, that he would make it through the sickness. Oh how wrong she was.
D gasped and dropped the journal, I looked over at her, and then at my journal, it was opened to the page that said “Nine cuts; I love her, but she won’t ever love me” was written ,in crimson, my blood, on the bottom.
She looked at me then down at the journal, and then took off running down the hall. I looked after her; I knew she wouldn’t love me, that’s proof!
“D!” I shouted after her, I tried running after her but I was too weak.
“I knew she wouldn’t like you back.” My mother said from across the hall, I glared at her, how dare she say that! I wanted to punch her, but I didn’t.
I walked back into the hospital room and changed from the weird hospital gown thing into baggy jeans and a black shirt. I threw the bag of my clothes over my shoulder and started walking out of the hospital.
“Where are you going?” My mother asked. “You’re supposed to stay here until the doctors say you can go.”
“I don’t care what the doctors say.” I said and walked out of the hospital, the only person that noticed was my mom; who ran back to find a doctor.
I walked home and grabbed my clothes and book bag. I shoved my clothes into a garbage bag, swung that over my shoulder and swung my book bag over my other shoulder, I was feeling light headed and hungry, I grabbed my wallet and headed out the door and to the closest McDonalds. I heard my cell phone ringing from my book bag; I set my bags down in a booth and took it out.
“Yellow?” I answered my phone.
“Like, is this Hayden?” A girl asked from the other line.
“Who wants to know?” I asked while crossing my arms, even though I knew they couldn’t see me.
“It’s, like, me! Brandy!”
“Uhhh…I have no clue who you are.”
“We used to live next to each other! Don’t you remember? We used to hang out at each others houses and watch T.V. when we were little.” Holy crud! Why is she calling me?
“Now I remember. So why are you calling me?” I asked.
“Just to tell you that I like, moved back! Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah, well listen, I got to go. See ya later Brandy.”
“Bye Hayden!” Then I hung up.
Why was my child hood crush all the sudden moving back after six years? How the heck did she even get my number? Now I’m defiantly confused.
